California

A few weeks ago, we went on a trip to California for a Family Reunion with the Gaoiran side of the family. Eric went out a week early to help his uncle Jim rebuild a barn. The boys and I flew out a few days later. They were pretty good on the plane, but I was still stressed of course.

Before we went to Merced, I stopped in Roseville to visit my brother Daniel, his wife Rachel and their son Luke. Tyler calls him "Wuke".
If I ever left Utah I would want to live in Roseville. It is such a nice area with so much for the kids to do. I have never seen parks like these...
And that's not all...if the park is not enough, there are water play areas too! Talon absolutely loved this...

Tyler wasn't as interested in getting wet...he stayed on the perimeter most of the time.

Luke was loving it too...
We finally get to see daddy after a week without him.

We had lots of fun hanging out with Daniel, Rachel and Luke. Although I think we were a little much for Luke. He is a mellow child and used to a quiet environment. Yeah, that's not my boys. At the end of our stay Luke went up to Rachel and said, "Say good-bye kids". It still makes me laugh. He was ready to have his space back. I think Rachel was too as she was close to her delivery date and still let us stay in her home. So nice.

Growing up, Daniel and I were close. He was my little buddy. He is three years younger than me and we used to talk a lot growing up. Or should I say, I used to talk a lot. I am pretty sure he just listened. He must have been so annoyed at times. He was always so sweet and just listened to whatever I felt like talking about. So, when I wasn't depressed, stressed, anxious or frustrated, we had fun together...no really, we did have fun together. Promise. We laughed a lot and played together. Growing up around my brothers meant that we did things boys do. We played "guns", Nintendo and computer games, rode bikes and skateboards, played outdoor hockey, basketball and went rollerblading. I have such great memories of spending those carefree hours playing with them. On this trip he had some time off work and so we had time to hang out together. We both have been so busy with our own lives that we haven't had time like that in years. I loved having that time with him.

After Roseville, we left for Merced and stayed with Eric's mom and her husband Dave. They are always great hosts and we feel at home in their home. We appreciate them making room for us. They bought a nice airbed for the kids to sleep on. Who knew that an airbed was comfortable? Oh the memories of starting out with it all full and then waking up on the ground because all the puffiness was gone. Destiny and Alyssa, their Crawford cousins, were being cozy on it altogether.

Eric's Aunt Susie and Uncle Jim have an almond tree orchard near Merced and they invited us out for a family reunion. Almost all his family was there. We missed you Val, Cooper and Uncle Nick. We had a blast and everyone enjoyed being together. It was great to see the family. Eric's dad, Tony, is in the black shirt)
Eric hasn't seen his cousins for 9 years! They all look alike, don't you think? His cousins are all boys and there are 2 boys to each family. We have 2 boys and Justin and Valerie have a boy. That's a lot of testosterone.
The little boys loved the "quad" and I have to admit it was fun driving through the beautiful almond trees.
We miss Justin! When he lived here, Talon and he formed a bond. Justin's dog is named Boston. Talon used to ask to visit "Jussin, Bosson" (Justin and Boston). Tyler followed suit and always asked to play with Justin. They both adore him.
Talon couldn't believe that there were other kids with his same last name. He said, "MOM, they have my same last name!" He and Tyler ran around all day with their Gaoiran 2nd cousins loving every minute of it.
What a trip!

Little Red 2008

On Saturday I completed my first Century Ride (100 miles) called the Little Red Riding Hood. It's an all women's ride and I was excited to ride with my sister Kim and friends Holly and Sonja. We drove to Logan for the ride and let me tell you my friends, the road was angry that day. Before the ride even started, we were having trouble. We passed some guys with a pump and realized that we had forgotten to pump our tires. Ooops. So, these nice gentlemen pumped them up for us and we were off to the start line.


Then we went to get our lunch stickers (that we didn't really need) and our t-shirts (that we picked up later) without realizing that the ride had already started. Not sure how I missed that. There was a loud cow bell they were ringing to communicate the start of the ride. Hmmm, no idea where my head was. It wasn't a race, so we thought it wouldn't really matter when we started. But what we didn't realize was that we were starting with all the people who were planning to ride at a very leisurely pace. (Check out the lady in pink behind me if you don't believe me. Hide-ho there neighbor!)

So, off we went and about a mile in I had to pull over and get my brakes fixed. No problem, they were fixed in a jiffy. No worries right? Not so. At mile 7.5 I had a flat tire that would not be fixed. Holly, Kim and I were on our phones with our husbands asking them what we should do. I seriously needed my man. (I have yet to change my own flat tire. My extra tube is my cell phone. He always rescues me, thanks babe.)

Sonja was my man for the day. As she was changing it, we realized that I had a pop in the actual tire, not just the tube. After I told Eric that, he said, "oh man, you're done". I said, "don't say that!!!@#" Sonja kept working on my tire and after about 15 minutes a bike "sheriff" volunteer came to my aid. He tried 3 more tubes and still couldn't get the air to stay. He said, "I think your done". After 4 tubes and a lot of frustration (See frustrated photo) I was heading into a SAG wagon (Support And Gear vehicle) close to tears.

Kim, Holly and Sonja went ahead and I told them I would call when I knew what was going to happen. I appreciated them waiting for me and commiserating with me. Then Holly yells "Sagger" as I am walking towards the vehicle. Love her.

So, Seriously? I wasn't going to be able to ride? You've got to be kidding me. I was looking for options on how I could still ride. Maybe I could just hurry and go the bike shop and get a tube. Maybe I could borrow a bike. Maybe I could buy a bike, surely Eric wouldn't mind. I think after him telling me that "I was done" it would be justified.

So, I'm sitting in the SAG wagon awaiting the verdict and I say a quick, earnest prayer. Silly to pray for such things you might think, but I really wanted to ride. I even asked Eric to pray. It always works--I lifted my head from my prayer and the Bingham Cyclery Van pulls up. He just happens to have a tire that he will give me for free and he can fix it on the spot. Hallelujah!

So, I'm back on my bike after being on the side of the road for 45-60 minutes and am as happy as could be. I am so blinded by euphoria that I don't even think of the time or realize that I left my water bottles in the SAG wagon.

I meet up with the girls at the next rest stop and I look around for the SAG wagon that had my bottles, but it was already in route to the next location. I am still not thinking of the time. I have no watch and no working bike computer. A fellow-rider tells me the time and I am in shock. She said it was 10:30 and we had to get to the next location by 11:00 in order to ride the 100 mile loop. That's 15 miles in 30 minutes. Bee inserted in bonnet.

Frantic is how I would describe the next 30-45 minutes. You might be wondering why I didn't call it and do the 80 miles instead. Remember, I am an all-or-nothing gal I had no other option in my mind at that point. This is also the first time I have attempted a Century and I wanted to finish it. So, I make it to the cut-off and wait for Sonja at the rest stop. Kim was originally planning on doing the 36 mile route and Holly wasn't sure. A while later I got a text from Kim that said she and Holly were doing the 80 mile loop! I couldn't have been more excited. I knew they had it in them and if I didn't have that mechanical issue in the beginning, we would have made the 100 together.

Kim and Holly had a great experience working with other riders and I should have tried to hook on to a train as well, but I had this constant gnawing anxiety that kept pushing me to get to the end. I couldn't mellow out until the ride was over. When I finished, I was elated.

The best thing about these rides is that the money goes to a great cause. Little Red Riding Hood raises money for the Hunstman Cancer Institute, specifically for breast cancer. I was happy to be supporting those affected by breast cancer and especially happy to be supporting a friend of the family, Susan. We wore our cute pink Fat Cyclist Jerseys to show our support. Her husband Elden, nicknamed the Fat Cyclist, is a long time friend of my brother-in-law, Dug. I started reading Elden's blog, fatcyclist.com, after Eric (aka Sleepy) finished RAWROD in May and now I am hooked. It will make you laugh and it will make you cry.

So, off to the next ride to support something good. I am planning to ride Bike MS at the end of this month on June 28th. My aunt Becci died from MS (Multiple Sclerosis) 14 years ago. She was only 32. I am planning to ride in honor of her. I have to raise $250 to do it. If you feel inclined to contribute a few dollars to the cause here is my official link:

Click here to get to my personal page and make a secure, online donation.

Joys, Fears, Goals, Current Obsessions, and Random Facts

Sherrie tagged me on this one...

Joys

Besides some of the more obvious joys (children, family, friends, gospel) I thought of a few others...

1. Road/Mountain biking, backcountry skiing, adventure. Of course those who read My Happy Place post know this already.

2. Reading in my house when it's clean and quiet!! It's so rare, but I am so fulfilled when I get these moments. It helps if it's a nice sunny day and I am basking in it.
3. Talking with Eric (Definitely not his favorite thing, he prefers to just be together and not have to talk the whole time. I'll go if I don't have to talk). His mind is much quieter than mine and I wish I could shut mine off at times. He wonders how it's possible to have so much to talk about and why so deep and heavy? Well, he knows that is just a part of me. I love what he said last night to me. I asked him...

"do you hate that I'm an emotional wreck?"
"No, cuz you're my emotional wreck."
"wait..I am an emotional wreck?!@"

Oh, bless his heart.

Fears

1. Sharks and water. Those of you who know this about me know that I'm even scared in pools sometimes! I am terrified of the unknown underneath me. I feel too vulnerable and my imagination gets the better of me. I mean, really, there could be anything down there. Yikes, I just got scared.

2.Failure. I have to be honest here. I know that we all fail and that its a part of life, but I'm still afraid of failing.

3. Anything terrible happening to my kids/family.

Basically I have a lot of fears. I am scared to make mistakes and have regrets. It seems that by now I would be able to deal with this fear because I make mistakes every day, but I still struggle. A really bad day can make me think my world is crumbling. It's not so fun. I can hear Eric and my mom right now praying that goal #3 will take effect immediately.

Goals

1. Be faster on my bike by August

2. Be "in the moment" with my children and enjoy "the doing" of motherhood

3. Be more optimistic

Current Obsessions

1. Mountain/road biking

2. Blogging

3. "Lost". I love that show!

Random Facts About Me

1. I constantly "check" things and the like, thanks to OCD. I check the locks on doors, my kids (especially while they sleep), check if they are breathing, constantly look out the window, count things, check my wedding ring...Are you weirded out yet?
2. I daydream a lot. Sometimes reality just isn't that interesting.

3. I am an all-or-nothing person. Sometimes that works, sometimes not so much. When I've eaten 1 or 2 cookies I have already ruined my healthy day, so why not just have another and another and another...you get the point.

So, no pressure. If you want to do this then I would love to hear about your joys, fears, etc.

I tag (anybody that will do it :) and...

Anika
Diana
Ashley
Amber
Renee
Megan
Tracey
Lizzy
Jessica
Melissa
Mimi
Janae
Rachel
Jacey

Brother Moments

So, some days motherhood pays it forward. The other morning before Talon was going to school I went into the front room and found Tyler laying on Talon's back. They were watching a show, cozy as could be, neither one complaining.


This morning I was trying to get a little more shut-eye on the couch (thanks to our early risers) and I heard them talking to each other.

Tyler- "Talon?...I wuv you."
Talon- "I love you."

My heart melted.


The other day, Talon was helping Tyler get dressed. Tyler wanted to match Talon, exactly. He wanted shorts and a t-shirt just like Talon's. They even had to be the same color as his. It was all I could do to not tear up right then and there. Watching Talon help Tyler get his little shorts and t-shirt on was so sweet a moment between brothers.

Of course they also wrestle and bug each other all the time. They start laughing and end crying. It makes me laugh. I love watching them play.


I tried to get a good shot of the boys together. No chance. Is it possible to get two little boys to take a nice picture in their matching outfits? I just want ONE! Of course, they have to be perfectly smiling, eyes open, with the perfect background all at the same time . Is it that hard? Am I asking too much?...maybe.


Talon was getting his allergy tests the other day. It can be painful when they use toothpick-like instruments to poke your back. He started to cry a little bit in the doctor's office. Tyler went over to him and said in his compassionate voice, "You okay Talon? Okay?" Then he looked at the nurse and in his low, raspy angry voice, he said "you, don hurr my brudder!" (you, don't hurt my brother!) This is the same voice he uses to tell me and anyone else "you, go corner!" for a time-out. It's a very froggy, Yoda-like voice. He is very protective of his brudder.

(PS-the blue lips are not Talon's new look...just a very potent blue sucker.)

Tyler wants to be just like his big brother, Talon. He says and does everything that Talon does. Talon is good to allow his younger brother to play with him and his friends. He is always making sure that Tyler is OK.

All these moments make motherhood worth it.

My Happy Place

In light of the fact that it's snowing outside (it's APRIL 24th!!!!), I thought I would write about one of the best mornings I've had this year. About 2 weeks ago, I woke up at 4:45 AM to go backcountry skiing (ski touring) with my sister Kim, her husband Doug and a few of his friends.

Most of you know that as a mother to young children, it's hard to find time for activities of this nature because it takes a lot of time. Nevertheless, I was determined and ready to go! It is one of those experiences where I feel almost euphoric. If you enjoy outdoor sports, you know what I mean. It is just one of the best feelings in the world. I can't describe how it makes me feel when I'm hiking in the mountains and skiing down through some perfectly untouched Utah powder.

It's one of the best ways for me to start a day and one of the only reasons I will ever wake up that early. Too bad the season is over. At least I can get out on my bike, oh wait, it's snowing...forget that. Except that we are in Utah and it could be 80 degrees tomorrow for all I know.


And I lived happily ever after...

Any Ideas??

So, these are Talon's shirts. The holes you see are from his very own teeth. He has digested numerous cotton fibers and can't seem to quit biting holes in his shirts, sweaters, pants, etc. Everything he wears, he bites! I don't want to make a big fuss about it and stress him out (in fact, I am afraid he is taking after his mother already and exhibiting behaviors related to anxiety. Poor guy...already inheriting my crappy attributes). Anyway, it's probably a nervous or comforting habit and my doctor doesn't seem too worried, but I'm wondering if any of you have dealt with something similar. Will it stop? Will he have to attend Biters Anonymous (BA) in the future? Help! We are losing money with each bite!

Faith...a tribute to Ashley Peterson

"Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquished His parental rights or interest in these little ones. Now love them, take care of them...welcome them into your homes and nurture and love them with all your hearts."

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

This quote was on the funeral program for Ashley Peterson. She passed away a little over a week ago on March 20, 2008. She was only 5 years old. Her parents, Paul and Emily Peterson, were in our ward when we lived at my parent’s home about 6 years ago. Emily was pregnant with Ashley while I was pregnant with Talon and we were visiting teaching partners. I have always thought highly of her.

The funeral services had a profound impact on me. The funeral was very painful as you can imagine, but uplifting at the same time. I could hardly keep it together, especially when I saw a small piece of her baby blanket that they had on display. It is one of those things no parent ever wants to have to face. So many things were beyond my understanding of pain, but I found myself uplifted and encouraged because of the tremendous faith shown by Paul and Emily and their family. Their trust in God was unwavering. You could not shake their faith.

They both said that they felt a tremendous peace about her passing knowing that it was time for her to go and that she had a great work to do in Heaven. Instead of having this painful experience tear apart their family it has obviously strengthened them. Paul talked about Emily’s positive attitude amidst the difficulty and that when he came home from work, she was always positive. Emily spoke about how Ashley would want all of us to be kinder, more patient, more loving and better people. Ashley is a beautiful, sweet girl with a pure heart.

He said many people asked them how they were getting through it all. He answered that they always try to have an eternal perspective and they look forward with faith. Even though they don’t understand why Ashley had to go through this painful experience they know that God has a plan for her and for them. They are grateful that they will have the opportunity to raise her and be with her again in the future.

They have a journal posted on a website they made for her and I spent a lot of time reading the entries. I found it inspiring and comforting, so here is the link if you would like to read it too.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/ashleypeterson

Elder Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles was there and he shared a few words that gave me strength. He said that we can only take 3 things with us when we leave this world…

1. Our Character

2. Our Covenants

3. Our Family

He said, “These two (Paul and Emily) would have to be taken out on a stretcher if it weren't for the atoning sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ and for the knowledge of His gospel. We would all be carrying each other out on stretchers. Nobody could handle this pain if it weren't for Jesus Christ.”

My mom and I attended the funeral together and we both came out of that meeting on a spiritual high. We were strengthened and uplifted by Ashley’s life and by her family’s faith. Our experience was not unique. As I read the guestbook on Ashley's website, it seems that everyone has been affected by her and her family for the better. It's amazing how many people have been so uplifted and strengthened by one little girl. My faith has been reaffirmed and my testimony strengthened. I have taken strength from them and hope to endure my trials with more faith in God.

IPOD Boredom

This happens to me about every other month where I will get bored with whats on my shuffle and need more music to add to keep it interesting. I have a broad range in music I like. It ranges from old school twangy country to some pretty rough rap music. Jay prefers that I download the "clean" version rap but it does not seem right. Anyway, I am bored of the music on my shuffle and I need new stuff. So can anyone introduce me to some good music? Anything at this point. Send me your last five music downloads.

Here are mine:
1. Rage Against the Machine- RENEGADE
2. Gorillaz- CLINT EASTWOOD
3. Lily Allen- SMILE (clean)
4. The Hit Crew- AFTERNOON DELIGHT
5. Gary Alan- WATCHING AIRPLANES

No Way That Just Happened

Tyler has done some growing up this past week. We are very proud of our Half Pint. It all started with going to the hospital to have some dental work done. He was very brave and silly all at the same time. They gave him some medicine to make him slap happy and he put on a show for all of us, he did not disappoint. The second accomplishment was dropping his afternoon nap. It has been crazy with him falling asleep at 6pm and sleeping until 8 the next morning to going to bed at 10 pm and waking up from 2-5 am ready for the day. We never know what were going to get, but its all part of growing up. Lastly, we lost all 100 of his binkys and he finally went a few days without mentioning a word about it. Many people have tried to take it away from him, especially his Grandma Crawford who probably thought he should have dropped it two years ago, but no one could wrestle it away from his Kung Fu grip. Since Tyler has dropped those three things we thought for sure we were losing our little baby.
Tonight the doorbell rang while we were watching a movie and our neighbor Logan came over to say he found a binky at his house. So I thought no big deal no one heard that, but sure enough I look down and he is holding it out for the world to see. It was very subtle, but in my mind it felt like he was jumping up and down screaming, "I FOUND YOUR BINKY TYLER COME AND GET IT!" I tried to swipe it out of his hands but it was too late. Tyler had seen it and ran across the room yelling BINKYYYYY! As soon as he grabbed it he cradled it in his hands and said, "I wub you binky, I wub you." How can I take it away from him when he does something that cute? I have asked him a few times if I can have it and he just puts it in his pocket without a word. I don't know what to do, but I would be the worlds worst father if I took it away from him after the exchange he had with the bink after reuniting .

Snowed In!

Holy SNOW! I have not seen this much nonstop snow since I was in college at BYU in 96. I remember one week where it snowed for a week straight and school was still not canceled!


So, I was surprised this morning when we got a strange phone call from someone in our ward. He told me that church was canceled because of the Superbowl, well I knew that wasn't true, but then he said church was canceled because of the snow...excuse me? Are you sure? You know that we are in Utah right? And church is across the street from most of us?

Yep, I wasn't hearing things...church was canceled. I guess there are firsts for everything. It was my day to teach in Young Womens and it was fast Sunday. Someone heard my prayer.

Eric and his manly friends have been shoveling all morning for the entire neighborhood. Tyler wanted to be with dad, no matter the cost. I showed him the outfit and he fought it at first, but he'd do anything to be outside with dad.



While we've been snowed in, we have been playing Super Mario Bros. on the Wii. Nothing like that game to bring back memories of 1-ups, fireballs, 100 extra guys, fireworks when you jump on 3 and 6 and warp zones. I played that game with my brothers, John and Daniel, nonstop. We loved it and it's still just as fun. Eric and I were laughing as we realized that Eric's ability is not quite at the same level as it used to be when he was 10. But he still has some mad skills. Check him out...


Look at him getting 100 extra lives! I could never do that, he is my idol.